Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Games that give me a headache

Carcassonne - Hunters and Gatherers
Through the Desert

I'm really good at these, and usually win whenever someone *cough*Francie*cough* twists my arm into playing , but they make my head hurt and my left eye twitch.

Here is how you win at Torres.

  1. Play with people who are really into the building aspect of the game. Let them use up their action points to build stuff.
  2. Use your action points to get out all your Vienna Sausages and have them run around and jump onto the castles that everyone else has built.
  3. Make sure you always call your guys Vienna Sausages, because it really bothers people, and makes them think about penises, which distracts them and makes them screw up.
  4. Get lots of Spell Cards and cast them on your Sausages so that they can make Heroic Leaps or Teleport.
  5. Make sure you call the cards "Spell Cards", and say things like, "I am casting Heroic Leap on my Vienna Sausage," because that annoys people too.
  6. After you cast a spell on one of your Sausages, call it a Magical Sausage. Then everyone will start yelling at you to shut up and forget what their great plan was.
  7. Make someone else score your points for you. It makes them feel all clever that they can do addition and multiplication in their head, and tricks them into thinking that you are stupid, especially since you keep saying things like "Magic Sausages." During the game they will focus on trying to out calculate the other clever players who can also do addition and multiplication in their heads, and ignore what you are doing. Plus, you don't get a headache from counting all those beige blocks.

1 comment:

Julian said...

Hi Ubaraose,

I wandered in from Fortress: AmeriTrash, and just wanted to say that I found this strategy guide hilarious.